Family First
By Tirzah Hopkins
Tirzah and her siblings
We all know that balancing school and family can be hard. It can be especially hard for those of us with many siblings, and for those of us who are used to being a part of the family for most of their day, especially when the siblings are also used to you being a part of their life, all the time.
I have eleven siblings in total, but three have moved out. The oldest one at home often isn’t available, and since I’m the next oldest, I usually do a lot of helping with the siblings. I often play with them, help them get them their food, settle their fights, or whatever else. However, now that I have a lot more school than normal and am having a hard time keeping up, it’s a little hard having those responsibilities. More often than not, the two-year-old will come to me while I’m doing schoolwork, asking for help, or asking me to play with him, which is sad, because I can’t play with him. (Funnily enough, while writing this, he came up and asked me to open a peanut for him.)
People often misunderstand me when I talk about taking care of my siblings, cleaning the kitchen, or making meals. My parents work harder than any of us, but when there are this many people, it’s all hands on deck, a team effort, to make sure the day runs smoothly. And besides that, it’s great training for when we grow up and have our own families.
But balancing both lives is hard. Family always comes first, but you also have to find time for your studies because those are important, too. But if you are able to find a balance, like I feel I almost have, life can be so fulfilling. I believe that God created families to be together, to work together, to have fellowship together, and to be a team. I found that when I spent more time online with friends, texting or Teams or whatever, I got pretty grumpy, but when I started spending more time with my family again, I got more cheerful and content. Friends are great, and you should have them, to pour into their lives and have them pour into yours, but people tend to spend most of the time with their friends, and neglect the family part of their life because their family members (siblings) are “boring” or “annoying” or “whiney.” For those of us with little siblings, we have to remember that those boring, annoying, and whiney people actually look up to us and respect us, even if they pretend they don’t. We are such an example to them, and we will be an even better example and influence in their lives if we spend time with them and try to teach them what is right.
I believe God put older siblings on this earth to help the parents out. It is the parent’s job to make sure their child is raised to be a Godly adult, but we older siblings should really help out. Especially in a big family, parents can’t be spending every second of their time giving every single child their undivided attention. In a big family, the parents often need their older siblings to step in and help. Has your mom been having a crazy, tough day with the little kids? Offer to babysit for twenty minutes so she can take a nap. I know, we often have so much school, and it feels like it will never end, but if you take twenty minutes out of your day so your mom can have a nap, that actually will probably give you more time to get your school done in the long run, because your mom will be more energized and feel like she can take better care of your siblings for the rest of the day. Plus, if you act like a responsible young adult, your parents will probably respect your time more and not think you’re just messing around.
Here’s a question I get asked very often: What is it like living in a big family? It is a very hard question to answer, and I’ve been trying to answer it accurately for years without much success. I can say for sure that it’s fun and if I got to choose between this and a “normal” family, I’d choose this. But the funny thing is, I consider my family the normal one and think those of you with your small families of three or four are the different ones (joke). That is what makes this question so hard to answer.
We mostly do things as a family, which is one of the reasons it’s hard to balance school. I really love being with my family and vastly prefer their company to that of a cold, lonely desk and computer, even if I do have a swivel chair. It’s very easy to get distracted playing with my younger siblings when I’m supposed to be doing history or Spanish or some such subject. Another thing is life skills. Living in a big family, I’m learning a lot more practical skills than I feel like most kids learn at my age, especially dealing with children, little boys in particular. I have probably changed more diapers than most moms with only one or two kids. I’ve learned what to do with clothes and bedding that have been peed and pooped on, I’ve learned how to clean those kinds of messes from floors, what to do when a baby or toddler has a high fever, how to check their breathing to see if they have the croup, how to come up with fun, imaginative games, conflict resolution, being reasonable with toddlers, how to get them to calm down, when you should give them attention for crying, and the list goes on and on. None of this would have been learned if I hadn’t spent most of the time with my family and helping with my younger siblings. There might have been more “fun” things to do at the time, and often I wished I was doing them, but looking back, I would say sticking with the family was best.
So, back to the original question--how do you balance school and family? It depends on your priorities, and it’s probably almost impossible to get a perfect balance. But if you remember that your family always comes first, which includes the needs of your siblings and parents, and if you also remind your family that you do need to stay caught up in school, it’ll all fall into its proper place.
Tirzah Hopkins has been at NSA for about two years. She lives in Indiana, USA with eight of her eleven siblings and mom and dad. She has recently started writing for the Navigator. She enjoys spending time with family, hiking, karate, writing, and playing with babies.