Letters to Juliet
By Onyinyechi U.
Red Heart Cutout by Изображения пользователя Viktoriia Lapshyna Created in Canva
*Always check with your parents before following any advice or suggestions in this article. The Navigator is not responsible for any consequences resulting from following our advice.
“Letters to Juliet” is back! This Valentine’s Day, Juliet will be answering some of your questions about relationships and love. Below is the fourth edition of the Navigator’s top advice!
Hello Juliet!
I kinda like this guy. I think he may like me too, but I'm not sure. I'm definitely not ready for a relationship right now though, even though I kind of want one. I know this is the shortest letter E V E R, but basically any advice on how to like, you know, be friendly but not do anything that seems like trying to make things go that way, and any tips on how to be patient? Or even better, how to stop liking him cause I don't think he's mature enough for a relationship either.
In this culture, it’s tempting to want to start a relationship before we are ready to avoid “missing out.” But Scripture tells us to do otherwise. In Song of Solomon 8:4, we’re told: “Young women of Jerusalem, promise me never to awaken love before it is ready” (Bible Gateway). The best thing to do during this time is to surround yourself with godly friends whose focus is on seeking God’s will. As Paul tells Timothy, “Flee also youthful lusts: but follow righteousness, faith, charity, peace, with them that call on the Lord out of a pure heart” (Bible Gateway). These friends will keep you accountable so that you can resist the temptation to rush ahead of God’s plan. But they’ll also be good company, so that you don’t struggle with loneliness! And if God leads you in this direction, there are many places to find godly friends here at NSA in Christian clubs and community groups. Most importantly, surrender your feelings to God, and He will guide you in the right direction about how to handle further communication with this boy.
Dear Juliet, I am currently watching 2 of my closest friends date each other, and it is so hard for me to be happy for them because I so desperately want to be in that stage of life, and I am not. What is your best advice for someone who now became the third wheel and struggles to be happy for her friends?
It can be hard to watch our friends enjoying a romantic relationship while we stand in the background. But there are some things we should recognize so that we don’t fall into jealousy and envy. First, these “dating” relationships are not what you really need. A friend of mine once told me how she used to think dating was so interesting until she went to college and saw how shallow and unwise many of these relationships were. So don’t think you’re “missing out” if you’re not dating someone currently. Second, think of how you would want to be treated if your positions were reversed. These are your friends, so continue to love them–even when it’s difficult. Refuse to let envy destroy your friendships. Lastly, God is in control! If you keep waiting, He will bring you the perfect relationship and marriage, one that lasts because it is grounded in Him.
Dear Juliet,
I made a commitment a long time ago not to date until I am in college, and I am feeling very satisfied with this choice. I have a friend who is ready to date and she and I are in youth group with a certain boy. I have good reason to suspect that she likes him. I am also starting to like him, but I'm not interested in a relationship. However, I keep catching myself feeling irritated at my friend for liking him and feel unhappy at the thought of them dating. I don't want to harbor negative feelings toward my friend, especially not if she were to start dating this person. Do you have any advice about how to best love others in this situation and stop feeling upset with my friend?
This is similar to the question above, so I think the same principles apply here. Stick to your commitment! You might feel temptation now, but remind yourself that these feelings are fleeting. God blesses the person who, as Psalm 15:4 says, “keeps an oath even when it hurts and does not change their mind” (Bible Gateway). And of course, it is important to “love your neighbor as yourself” (Bible Gateway). Treat your friend the way you would want to be treated–not as an enemy or rival but as someone you care about, even when this is uncomfortable. Ask yourself, “Do I really want this boy so much that I would end this friendship over him?” Then surrender these feelings to God. When you give them to Him, you receive His strength to resist this temptation.
I like this guy but I highly doubt that I'm the one for him. How should I treat the situation? Also i love u Juliette i'm a big fan <3
Thanks! I appreciate that! About your situation, it’s a common one! Many of us have been attracted to a person we know is not right for us. While they may seem harmless, these thoughts keep us from focusing on practical matters, and may even distract us from the person God has in store for us. Although it can be difficult, we have to let go of these fantasies. If you sense that this guy is not the person for you, then ask God to guide your feelings in the right direction. Meanwhile, you don’t have to stop being friends with the guy if you’re already acquainted. Just remind yourself to show restraint and self-control when handling interactions with him.
Are online relationships healthy?
This depends on the people in the relationship, although I personally feel that relationships should involve more face-to-face conversation. While online dating can be easier for people than an in-person relationship, it can also be dangerous. There is more opportunity for deception, especially with the advances of technology. You could easily “fall in love” with someone whose profile, images, and stories are untrue. As I see it, online relationships are not necessarily unhealthy, but there is less safety in engaging in a relationship without having met the person face to face multiple times.
What is the balance between flirting and giving compliments?
The important difference between flirting and complimenting someone is the motive of your heart. If you feel desire for another person, then what might outwardly sound like a polite comment may really be a flirtatious one. If you’re planning to compliment someone, ask yourself, “What do I mean by these words?” If your heart indicates that you are feeling some attraction for this person, it’s best to be controlled and wise in how you deal with them so that your compliments don’t come across as immodest in any way. Similarly, if you sense that someone else may have flirtatious motives in complimenting you, you should be cautious with them as well.
How…do I know if a dude likes me?
Well, I don’t have much experience in that field, but here’s what I’ve noticed. Guys can be a little vague about their emotions. Sometimes, if they like you, they’ll ask you out right away, while other times they may pretend not to care about you. (But you can sometimes see through these disguises–they aren’t always that subtle.) Most importantly, however, don’t put too much value on whether a guy likes you or not. Remember that Jesus loves you, and His love is much more consistent than the changing desires of teenage boys!
B
Hmmm…want to be cheeky, do you? If that’s your Letter to Juliet, she’ll give you some of her own: LOL. Happy Valentine’s Day!
Columns: 🗓️Seasonal 🗣️Advice
Onyinyechi U. lives in Pennsylvania with her parents and two siblings. She is in eleventh grade. This is her fourth year at NSA and her second year on the Navigator. In her free time, she enjoys writing novels and poetry.