Love Hurts: Part 2 of "What is Love?"

By Keenan W.

After an extra few responses to this year’s valentine’s day advice article, here is part two, specially for you. 

I know this sounds cheesy…. But what do when you think u may have actually found “the one” (for reference we plan on seeing if we make it to grad, then from there past college and decide from there) I wasn’t gonna do this but I figured there was no harm in asking since it’s anonymous…

I’m going to be completely honest here and reference a bit of what I said in the previous article. Of course, there will always be people you somehow “supernaturally” click with, but even so, YOU are ultimately going to have to choose if you found “the one” and if you decide that then YOU are the one who’s going to have to put in the effort to make it last forever. It’s easy for us to sketch up our relationships to destiny or fate and whether it’s meant to be or not meant to be, and of course, a fraction of that can be true, but ultimately it’s our own choices that are going to lead to whether this is a long-term relationship or not. I hope that helps!

Dear Juliet,

It grieves me to confess, to you my dearest, that I have, more so than I would be capable of recounting, fallen short in my endeavor to stay pure. When I determine to speak of the vile and selfish passions I have chased after it leaves an unsettled feeling in my stomach, but which I believe an appropriate discomfort. For, my dearest, I do not deserve to wonder of knowing you or being known. My sins, that are vicious pests in the forefront of my corrupt mind, have made me at points hopeless in the thought of pursuing you. I wish very much that these words were not in letter form but could be spoken, though I believe they would be more impossible to express. And I dearly wish that I could witness your appearance in you now knowing this, for I would be sobered knowing if I had your forgiveness or not. Tell me, can you forgive such a man as I who has thrown away that which should be held close? As I overcome my selfish passions, by only His grace, is there hope for me of having your respect? I understand that I cannot sign this letter as "Your Faithful Romeo" for I have time and again not been. But I am sincere my dear Juliet, and promise to never stop persisting in my struggle against lust. I end this letter then;

Sincerely,

Romeo

Dear Romeo, I wish I could know to whom this serious and deep letter was truly written. Here is what I can say. The loss of innocence and drop into serious passions is no light matter. But, I am glad that you are aware, that you’re trying to overcome your struggles with the help of God, and that you are being honest. Honesty towards anyone, especially those you might have an interest in, is always a better policy because “better a bitter truth than a sweet lie.” Relationships are built on honesty. Because of this, I have to be honest with you as well. Some might choose to view or judge you because of the impure passions you have chased after. Nonetheless, God shows us mercy and we have a second chance to make right and work on the image that we present. I think that, whomever you wrote this letter to, will appreciate your honesty above all else, and they’ll be able to make their own choice from there on as well. I wish you the best of luck in the fight against lust and temptation (and luck for your dealings with whomever your true Juliet is). 

Not to sound rude, but how do you let someone down without hurting their feelings?

Well, I doubt there’s really a way to let someone down without hurting their feelings because our emotions are constantly tied to what we do and our relationships. Some feelings will always be hurt in the end because rejection is painful. But, you can be nice and honest about it. I would do something called the “sandwich.” You start off good with a sentence that says how you value them or a particular characteristic about them that you value, then you NICELY let them down, and then you sandwich that with a last sentence that’s also positive. Something along the lines of, “N/A you’re amazing and you have a great personality, but I really don’t have any feelings for you and I think it’s best if we just stay friends, though I do believe that somewhere out there there’s someone who’s really going to value all of the things you have to offer in a relationship.” Hope that helps!

______, I have a question. You see, ever since I met you, I have had a severe crush on you, I just wanted to know if you liked me back, if the answer is no...can we still be friends?

Your loyal friend,

______

Again, I would really really like to know whom this was truly written for. But, this is a great simple sentence for simply letting someone know that you like them. Now, I would say that you should consider if you’d really want to include a sentence about still being friends if the person says no. You’re going to have to consider if you’re really going to be able to suppress your feelings towards someone and just be friends after they reject you. I would say, be macho, and remove the option of being friends after you’ve asked and the person maybe rejects you. Remove that part completely. Additionally, if you wanted to make it a bit more romantic, I’d say mention something specific about when you met them and make it a bit more dramatic. Maybe along the lines of, “You see, as soon as I met you, and saw your dazzling smile and the way your mind could come up with those snarky remarks, I was a gonner. Listen, I really like you and I need to know if you like me back too.” Of course adjust this a bit depending on the person and plan ahead that if you are rejected, you’ll be able to handle it in moderation, and if they say they do like you back, how are you taking the relationship from there? Anyway, I hope that helps!

Look, there is this girl that I like SEVERELY, and I don't know how to tell her about it/ask her about her feelings....I NEED HELP!

I think you could refer to the above section for some advice on this! After following a bit of what I said above and the “example sentence” I gave, I’d again say to just be honest (and chill with the situation if you can manage it, though I know it can be hard to be chill when it comes to this sort of thing). Hope that helps!

Keenan W. is in 12th Grade and has been with NSA since 2019. She lives in Houston, Texas, with her family after moving from South Africa. Keenan plays both the piano and the mandolin. She is also an avid reader, loves music, and enjoys watching 2000s movies. Some of her interests include psychology, criminal justice, international relations, business, leadership, and politics. She hopes to help and serve others through whatever her career may be.

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