What is Love?

By Keenan W.

*Advice and suggestions should be taken with a grain of salt and the Navigator is not liable for any personal negative consequences that may result from following our advice.

When it comes to matters of the heart, anything and everything can easily become difficult. Within a moment, you could either feel like fainting or running into someone’s arms… that is if you’re an 18th-century romantic. Nonetheless, our relationship/dating world is just becoming more and more complicated. It’s often hard to know what to do. Below is the second edition of the Navigator’s top relationship advice!

What do you think about online dating? So many students here start to like people they've only talked to on teams. But even if you really feel like you're falling for someone, you haven't met them in real life, so you might not even know the 'real' them! Do you think online dating can ever work out? is it ever a good idea??

This is a very complicated question but a situation I think many students face as our world starts to rely more and more on online communication. Here’s the thing, so much of what we garner or think about someone from what they say online or over text can be so easily skewed. It’s so easy to change how you present yourself in the online world. I don’t think online dating is ever a good idea because of this. Your “relationship” could easily just be built on lies and fakery (please don’t confuse online dating with long-distance dating after meeting up multiple times, though). The other thing you have to decide upon is what is your purpose and goal when it comes to dating. Usually, when people date it’s because they have some physical and romantic attraction to someone that manifests itself in a relationship where they express that attraction. With online dating, that wouldn’t really be possible. In the end, if you feel like you have a great connection with someone after talking to them online, make an effort to meet them in real life (meet up multiple times because oftentimes it’s hard to get a clear picture of a person just from meeting them once) and get to know the real them before cementing your feelings about them and then see how it goes from there. 

How can you tell if you’ve found someone you truly want to be with, or if it is just a temporary relationship?

I think whether you’ve found someone you truly want to be with vs whether it’s just a temporary relationship all depends on your heart, mentality, your intentions with the relationship, and your choice. You’ll only truly know if you’ve found someone you truly want to be with or if it’s just a temporary relationship if you choose a partner and go into a relationship with the mentality and intentions of finding someone you want to be with for a long while, otherwise you will end up with a fling because you never actually looked for a permanent partner in the first place. Second, you’ll have to investigate your heart and draw advice from God on whether you’ve truly found your partner. Finally, you have to keep in mind that we have free will. Ultimately, sure, there might be someone you miraculously click with that might be your “soulmate,” but it’s YOU who chooses who you’re going to spend the rest of your life or at least a considerable amount of time with. You’re going to have to choose to commit to a relationship where you consider the other person valuable enough that you’ve decided that it wouldn’t be a temporary relationship. 

How do me and my girlfriend take it slow as a couple to have a long-lasting and healthy relationship?

I think you would have to consider what your plans and intentions are with your relationship. Ultimately, you can only take it slow by having patience and faith in the ultimate relationship plan that God has for you. You’re also going to have to discuss and decide together how you’ll help each other take it slow and support each other in your relationship when it comes to emotional and physical support and when it comes to saving yourself for marriage. 

This summer I was able to meet my boyfriend at a sporting event. He was very kind and thoughtful at the beginning of the relationship. My parents liked him and he got along with my friends. I trusted him. He ended up cheating on me twice. Once with my best friend and another time with a girl who is mean to me. What should I do?

Steve Harvey says that “once a cheater, always a cheater” isn’t necessarily true, but there will ultimately only be one person or woman that would make a man change and refrain from cheating (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l5Mj71dBXR4). At this point, I think it seems clear that for this dude, you might not be that gal (though you might be the right one for someone else). In the end, it sounds like a toxic situation and you’re going to have to decide if you’re going to put up with a cheating boyfriend. If not, then it’s time to move on. 

Hi Juliet! I'd like to be in a relationship, but I don't know of anyone that I particularly want to (or could be) in a relationship with at the moment. And, if I've got a secret admirer, they haven't written me any love notes. Even if the right match seemed to come up, I'm not sure I'd have the time to invest in that kind of relationship. My only option at this point seems to be waiting until the right person shows up. What do you suggest doing while waiting for that special someone to appear? I don't really want to stare longingly at the stars by a windowsill...

What a relatable situation this is! How many of us wish for the thrill and adventure of a romantic relationship, but are left as either loners or hopeless romantics while we wait? My suggestion is that if there’s no one really in your life right now to fill that gap, perhaps it’s not yet the right time. And that’s okay! We’re allowed to have wants and to want a relationship and a connection with another person, though we’re still young and there’s still time for us to find someone! I think that though it might be cliche, while you wait for that special person, start working on yourself. As Jordan Peterson mentions, make a list of characteristics and features you’d want in a partner, then see how many of those you possess. Do you have characteristics that someone else would want? Are you going to be a benefit to someone else’s life? Is there anywhere you can improve on right now that your partner will value, want, or look for in the future? You need to be completely secure within yourself and your own identity before you’ll be able to enter into a healthy and fulfilling romantic relationship. And generally, it’s found that when you’re fully at your best, confident, secure within yourself, and present characteristics that others would value, the right partner would find you without you having to go look for them. 

I was messaging this girl on teams, and she was in my English class, and I thought she was super pretty, so I decided to ask her a question over teams, and I couldn't help but blush as I saw her typing back almost instantly. She was gorgeous with her dreamy deep blue orbs, as vibrant as the ocean, and her long locks of hair looked so shiny in the sunlight. She responded to my question, and we became quite close, we ended up exchanging Instagram handles. I noticed that the only picture she had posted was also the same picture on her NorthStar, and teams profiles, which was a stunning picture, so I don't blame her for posting it on her insta. We started dming on there and I realized I had developed strong feelings, it's like I was stuck in a trance, her eyes were so hypnotizing I could stare at them for hours. I thought I was in love with her at one point, but after she started sending pictures to me, I realized she wasn't as pretty as in her profile picture. I feel a deep connection with her, and thought I was in love with her, but now she isn't my type AT ALL. The only reason I'm in this situation is because I thought she was pretty and now I realized that she really isn't as pretty during day-to-day life. I feel like I can't continue our friendship, or go to another level now, because the pull-factor is now gone, and she's slowly moving the spark in my heart she once possessed.

It sounds like you’ve just been struck with a short crush based entirely just on looks, and that’s okay. Looks are very important when looking for someone you might be into, though it could easily lead to becoming shallow if you don’t manage it. If you just liked this girl for her looks and then realized she wasn’t as attractive, it might be best to end if you’re not prepared to pursue a friendship or relationship because she might have been led on by your original interest, and anyone’s feelings would be hurt if they find out that you no longer find them attractive. 

I've been talking to this guy for a couple years now, just taking things slow and at God's timing. We're both all for Christ and purity and putting God first. Only thing is, I really just don't find him that attractive. He's a great guy and I honestly feel horrible asking this but shouldn't I should be attracted to the person I'm with? I know looks aren't everything and beauty is vain but he deserves someone that actually thinks he's handsome, right?

It is true that looks aren’t everything, but they definitely add to a relationship and are important. I think you need to reverse the situation and ask the question, “How would I feel if I were in a relationship with a partner I'm genuinely attracted to but they tell me they find me completely ugly and are just sticking around for my personality perhaps?” Now, this is probably just adding a bit more drama to it, but I’m just trying to make a point. I think everyone deserves a partner who, to some degree, finds them attractive, handsome, beautiful, etc. Of course, looks aren’t everything, and we shouldn’t focus on them too much, but they’re still a key part of whether we find someone else attractive. Additionally, if this is a serious Christ-centered relationship that you want to pursue and you’d want to marry this person eventually, know that your kids are going to receive half of his genes . . . so the choice is up to you. You could always keep a friendship/connection with this person, but perhaps a long-term romantic relationship isn’t the best if you’re not attracted to them. 

How do you know if God wants you in the relationship you're in? It's a healthy relationship with parents and mentors involved but I'm just not sure if I'm truly where God wants me to be! I'm not sure I'm not, but I'm also not sure I am!

I think only with time, communicating with God, and deciding by yourself will help you decide if it’s a relationship that you want to be in. Maybe refer to some of the previous questions for extra insight!

It’s obvious that many of us have our struggles when it comes to matters of the heart. Hopefully, you've been able to use some of this advice too!\


If you’d like to read last year’s relationship advice article, click here.

Keenan W. is in 12th Grade and has been with NSA since 2019. She lives in Houston, Texas, with her family after moving from South Africa. Keenan plays both the piano and the mandolin. She is also an avid reader, loves music, and enjoys watching 2000s movies. Some of her interests include psychology, criminal justice, international relations, business, leadership, and politics. She hopes to help and serve others through whatever her career may be.

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