Letters to Juliet
By Onyinyechi U.
Pink Heart Valentine’s Day Zoom Virtual Background by Fish Studio (@nataliapotapova) Created in Canva
*Always check with your parents before following any advice or suggestions in this article. The Navigator is not responsible for any consequences resulting from following our advice.
“Letters to Juliet” is back! This Valentine’s Day, Juliet will be answering some of your questions about relationships and love. Below is the third edition of the Navigator’s top advice!
I've found myself quite smitten with someone special, and it turns out the feeling's mutual. But here's the catch: we're not quite at the stage where we can date yet. It's a bit of a challenge, honestly. I'm trying to figure out how to protect my heart while being patient at the same time. What makes it trickier is that I think I might be more prepared for a relationship than they are. It's a nerve-wracking thought, what if they never get to that point where they can take the lead in a relationship?
Right now the best thing to do is ask God to give you patience and strength as you both grow more mature and ready for a relationship. The two of you should have some long-term goals and plans. What do you want the relationship to look like ten years down the line? This should give you an idea of what you both want to work toward becoming. Don’t be afraid if the other person doesn’t seem mature enough now; if you work together to build a solid relationship, your love will last a long time.
What do you do if you have found the most perfect guy ever, but he's not a Christian? He comes to church now, but come June he is going out of state for the summer, then going to college, and I don't think he is going to go to church when he is living by himself. I pray for him all the time to be saved, but he's not changing.
Amos 3:3 asks us, “Can two walk together without agreeing where to go?” (Berean Standard Bible). You and he are on two different paths right now. Until he actually accepts Jesus as Lord and Savior, I would say it is not a good idea to pursue a relationship with him. This can be really tough, but it’s best to keep waiting and praying. God listens to our requests, and will save him if it is possible.
I've never had an interest in romantic relationships or anything of that sort. However, many people in my life, including my parents, talk about marriage (and by extension, having children) as something that should happen to everyone. It's always "when you meet the right person, you'll feel ____" or "when you're a parent, you'll feel ___" or something along these lines. I don't really say anything about it, but it sort of bothers me. That's not the only option in life, but you wouldn't know it. I don't really know what my question is, honestly. Just, what should I do about it, if anything?
You are right—there are many other options to life besides marriage and having children. Jesus says in Matthew 19:11-12, “Not everyone can accept this word, but only those to whom it has been given. For there are eunuchs who were born that way, and there are eunuchs who have been made eunuchs by others—and there are those who choose to live like eunuchs for the sake of the kingdom of heaven. The one who can accept this should accept it” (New International Version). In other words, marriage isn’t for everyone—nor, by extension, is childbearing. Of course, be respectful to your parents and other elders, but if you sense marriage isn’t the path you feel led to take, don’t feel pressured to raise a family. In the Bible, Peter had a family, while Paul was likely unmarried. Everyone has different callings and futures, so I would say you should seek the Lord about his specific plan for you with respect to marriage.
Should you date in High School even though you're in no position to get married? If not, then is it wrong to have simple crushes?
Some people eventually marry their high school boyfriends or girlfriends, so high school dating can certainly lead to a serious relationship. You need to decide your own goals when you’re considering dating in high school. Is this just a fling for you, or do you see this relationship becoming more mature over time? If the former is true for you, you’re probably better off not dating. It’s okay to have crushes on people, but I wouldn’t recommend dating them unless you are serious about having a deep relationship that can lead to marriage.
Dear Juliet, I'm an older teenager and I've had quite a lot of experience when it comes to dating guys, problem is, I don't like or want to date guys at all. I only went along with relationships because my parents wanted me to or because I didn't want to hurt anyone’s feelings. I've always been attracted to girls, but I know that this would make me [g]ay and so many people at this school hate [g]ay people. I don't want to be hated by my family or friends, so I've been going along with this relationship with a guy my parents like. I don't think that if I ever admitted feelings for girls that I would be safe or be loved by the people around me, as they feel strongly towards it. Should I keep going on dates with this guy even though I don't like him because in the Bible being [g]ay is wrong? I feel like it's a sin to lie and tell someone I like them in that way when I don't, but being with a girl would be wrong, so should I just be alone forever?
The Bible is clear when it says that homosexuality is a sin (see Leviticus 18:22; 1 Corinthians 6:9, etc.). But that doesn’t mean people won’t struggle with same-sex attractions. 1 Corinthians 10:13 says that God will help us through any temptation, so he will certainly guide you if you ask him for his aid. Of course, this is a really complex issue, so you might want to open up about this to your parents for guidance. Meanwhile, I would say that if you don’t feel attracted to boys, you should probably not keep dating this guy. Certainly, if your positions were switched, you wouldn’t want to be dating someone who isn’t truly attached to you. You can keep up a friendship without being romantically involved if that’s what you’re really comfortable with. The most important thing is to know that God loves and cares for you, and if you let him, he will guide you through this situation. With him, you’ll never be alone.
I’ve got this thing for sad music, and my girlfriend worries when she catches me tuned into it. She’s big on reading people’s moods from their tunes, so my playlist can set off alarms for her. She’s cool about it, saying she’ll try not to jump to conclusions, but it really bugs her when she gets it wrong and stresses over it. I’m thinking, should I ditch the sad stuff to ease her mind? It’s not like the music helps me or anything, I just like it…Should I switch up my playlist just to ease her worries, even if the music doesn’t mess with my mood? Or should I see if she can get used to the music I like?
Your girlfriend seems genuinely concerned about your mental health. Even though you might enjoy listening to sad music, relationships are all about sacrifice. If switching to happier music puts her at ease, then that might be the right thing to do. Of course, you have your own tastes, and you don’t need to change your whole personality and preferences for her. But if, as you say, this issue is stressing your girlfriend out, I think it might be a good idea to change to a happier playlist.
Hello! So I have been recently asked to go out by this guy many times. We haven't called these meetups dates or anything, but my friends can tell (and my parents as well) that he really really likes me. At the moment I just got over a breakup and I really don't know how I feel about dating again, and I don't know how I feel about the fact that these times we've hung out are basically dates. I really don't know if I like him like that, I tend to figure out if I like someone that way months into knowing them. My parents really like him, and approve of him as a possible boyfriend for me, but I'm not sure it's what I want. I don't want to lead anyone on or lie to him about my feelings by saying yes to these dates, but I really like talking and hanging out with him. He asked me to prom, and I said yes because I do really want to go with him, but I'm not sure yet if that's because I like him as a friend or something else. I feel a lot of pressure from my parents and friends to get into a relationship with him, but I don't know what is really best at the moment. I've been so busy with other things that I still question if he even likes me, as I have low confidence and I really don't think I'm as beautiful as some other girls. Overall, I think I need time to figure things out, but I don't know how to slow things down and let the people in my life know that they're pushing me a little to[o] hard to get into this relationship.
While I understand that you don’t want to offend this guy, your parents, or your friends, I think you’re going to have to tell everyone the truth. If you’re uncomfortable about dating this person, then you probably should let him know. He may be hurt, but it’s better than allowing him to believe that you feel more deeply about him than you do. Maybe you two can pursue a friendship instead of a romance. Meanwhile, don’t be afraid to tell your parents and friends that you’re still uncertain about whether you should get into a relationship. You shouldn’t be pressured into dating anyone, especially if you don’t feel ready.
Just because I'm curious about your opinion. Do you think that kissing should be saved for marriage?
Personally, I believe kissing should only happen within wedlock. I believe the beauty of marriage can be cheapened when we exchange intimate gestures before the actual union. In Song of Solomon, a beautiful poem about a couple, there are descriptions of kissing and other sweet gestures—but these are all done within marriage, not before it. So, to me, it’s best to save your kisses for your spouse.
What is the difference between friendship love and romantic love?
The love between friends is a platonic union. Neither of you feel “attracted” in an amorous way, but you probably share common interests and experiences. Romantic love often involves a deep attraction to another person. Both friendship and romance, however, require a lot of commitment, sacrifice, and love. You can refer to some of the questions above to learn more about these!
Hopefully this advice was helpful to you, reader! Goodbye, and have a happy Valentine’s Day!
Columns: 🗣️Advice 🗓️Seasonal
Onyinyechi U. lives in Pennsylvania with her parents and two siblings. She is a tenth grader, and this is her third year at NSA. She recently started writing for the Navigator. In her free time, she enjoys writing novels, plays, and poetry.