When It Comes to Matters of the Heart

By Keenan W.

When it comes to matters of the heart, anything and everything can easily become difficult. Within a moment, you could either feel like fainting or running into someone’s arms… that is if you’re an 18th century romantic. Nonetheless, with whatever love-struck dilemma you may have encountered, there is always advice to be had. Below is some advice for people who submitted the situations where Cupid’s bow and arrow may wrought some havoc in their lives. 

WHAT DO I DO IF I LIKE SOMEONE AND DON’T KNOW IF THEY LIKE ME BACK

Mhmm, this is definitely a hard situation and I think, for most, this situation leads to a lot of overthinking. I’d say to turn your brain off and lead with your feelings. This move can be catastrophic, but it can also be very rewarding. If you are already sure that you really like someone, then the only thing to find out is if they like you back. SO FIND OUT. Ask them. As a society, we’ve lost the art of simply just asking people about their true feelings and intentions, instead we hide behind assumptions. So, ask this person if they like you back. If they do, well, congratulations my friend. If not, then at least you know where you stand and you can make a better decision from that point forward. To make the asking process easier, you could use Carly Rae Jepsen’s song “I Really Like You.” I’m sure they’ll get the idea. 

I've had multiple stupid relationships that have ended quickly because of her decisions...there's always been the same 4 steps in the relationship. 1. I become friends with the girl 2. She likes me and eventually tells me that 3. I at some point start liking her and a sort of relationship happens but 4. the girl decides to end the relationship and leaves me heartbroken and eventually she finds some other "better" guy. I don't know how it is possible but somehow she always is capable turning it so that I'm the heartbroken one, not her. I've had this happen at least 3 times and I don't see an end to it...so eventually I've just decided to quit liking people because of this stupid cycle...is it the best to just stay like this until I am an adult?

This situation must be so frustrating! I suggested jamming out to “Hate Myself for Loving You” by Joan Jett. It seems like it would be fitting. Also, I think that the situation you’re in is a mix of immaturity and a little bit of toxicity. You’re young and the girl that likes you is (preferably) also young. There are only aspects of maturity and personality that are developed with age. Girls that may be approaching you might not have the maturity to be in a relationship. Second, if a girl or really anybody is manipulating you and turning the situation on you then that could be a sign of a toxic person. Fun fact, toxic people aren’t picky. All these chicks aren’t targeting you because there’s something wrong with you, it’s basically just that toxic people will pick anyone. That being said, for-long term mental health, it’s probably best to stick it out until adulthood. With age comes maturity and at that point, you’ll be able to handle these sort of situations better. For future reference, apply some of Steve Harvey’s “Think Like A Man” points. If a girl likes you and you like the girl, spend time with her as friends for at least 90 days before moving on to a serious romantic relationship. This will help to guarantee that you’re both committed to the relationship. I hope that helps!

I went through some tough love in 2021. I realized I gave my personhood to this one person and how it damaged my mental health. Learning to set up boundaries and to let go of the person that I thought was great. I think I need help to adapt or to fully let go of someone I loved

I understand how giving a part of yourself and not having set boundaries can really hurt you emotionally and mentally. But although you may have given your “You-ness” to someone, doesn’t mean you’re no longer you. You’re still you, no matter what happens. That being said, when it comes to the other part of your situation, if it’s affecting you negatively, then you should let go of the relationship that you have with that certain person. Through life we meet all kinds of people who leave imprints in our lives and who we learn to love. Some of those people are meant to stay in our lives forever, others are meant to be there for a certain season. Perhaps your season with this person has passed, and now you must let go and move forward to a new season that’ll probably be way greener and prettier. The classic song “I Will Always Love You” by Whitney Houston was actually written by Dolly Parton when she split ways with a close friend. If you look at that song from a different perspective, you could maybe understand how it would be possible to move on from this situation while letting go of someone in a loving way. Also, don’t beat yourself up on the situation. If the relationship is so hard that it doesn’t even work, then it’s a sign. (Also don’t beat yourself up on not setting up boundaries in the first place. Setting up boundaries is really hard when it comes to certain things. It’s just a skill that comes with time). Peace be with you with whatever choice you make! 

How do you tell if someone likes you or if they just want to be friends!?

Honestly, there’s just not one single way to tell if someone likes you or not because everyone is different. To generalize though, I'd lookout for ways how that person might be treating you differently than others. AKA how they talk to you, how they look at you, how close they sit/stand to you while in a conversation, how their appearance looks when you're around, etc. At the end of the day, it’s just best to ask whether they like you or not. 

Dear reader,

I am in terrible distress! I like a boy who is my best friend, but I haven't told him in 2 years. He doesn't think I like him and that we are like siblings. And I sense that he may be getting a new crush and it's making me feel insecure and a little jealous. what do i do?

signed,

distressed

In these types of situations, it’s difficult because you don’t want to be friend-zoned or rejected and possibly lose that great friendship that you have. Nonetheless, if you’re gonna lose your crush to another girl then I’d say to make your move. Ultimately there is risk involved because you could get rejected but I think that having a chance with him outweighs that. Tell him that you like him and then take it from there. Whitney Houston’s “How Will I Know” relates to this, but I think the answer to Whitney’s question relates even more. You’ll only “Know” if you ask. 

It’s obvious that many of us have our struggles when it comes to matters of the heart. Hopefully, you've been able to use some of this advice too!

Keenan W’s certification to give relationship advice: the coach never plays

Keenan W. is in 11th Grade and has been with NSA since 2019. She lives in South Africa with her family and their dogs on a grape farm. Keenan plays both the piano and the mandolin. She is also an avid reader, loves music, and enjoys watching 2000s movies. Some of her interests include psychology, criminal justice, international affairs, forensics, and politics. She hopes to one day pursue a career in forensic psychology.

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